A Second Third Sunday of June...

without you. Miss you, dad.

A Full Year...

Whew.

I've survived a full year without my father. I miss him terribly.

Now that all the 'firsts' are done, I hope that life without him will continue to become easier.

I know that he is in a good place and that we will see each other again before he is reborn, hopefully into a happier life. This brings me great comfort.

The End of a Long, Dark Night

There is nothing in the world like waking up to discover that your total debt load has been reduced by almost 30%!

One of my bigger loans, for which my father had co-signed, was paid off by a life insurance policy this morning.

I'll be paying off a smaller loan next week, once the unexpected money comes in. The combined payments for these two loans means that I'll be freeing up just about the cost of my rent at my new place. Add to that what I'm saving on gas and car maintenance, as well as home and auto insurance, and I'm definitely going to have a bit of extra money at the end of each month.

Left to pay off:

-overdrafts;
-credit card;
-line of credit;
-car (paying 0.9% interest, so not my first priority);
-student loan (gives me a decent tax credit, so also not a first priority);
-fridge and stove (did the 'no payments, no interest for a year' thing, still have six months to go before the bill is due, and I have most of the money saved up, so I'm not even thinking about this at this time).

Soon as my insurance payment comes in, I'm paying off my credit card and reducing the balance to the lowest limit possible, and removing my overdrafts from my accounts. The line of credit will be next, followed by the student loan, and then the car.

I need to set aside money for tuition and my surgery next fall and once that's done, I can think about taking a nice little holiday this summer. *makes a mental note to have her passport application processed*

An Unwanted Gift

Something was confirmed this morning that has been hinted at the past few weeks, that I will be receiving a not insignificant sum of money in very short order.

My financial plan might seem shaky to some, but it works for me. I continually walk the edge of a precipice, spending money today that I don't have, but which should be there when the bill comes due. Somehow, I'm always right, my faith is always justified, and the money appears. I have a lot of big expenses coming due the next seven months and I had a meticulously laid out plan for dealing with everything. In the back of my mind, I knew the chances were I would be inheriting before the year was through, but I didn't spend with that in mind.

When I first learned that this sum was forthcoming, I couldn't breathe or move, paralysed as I was by all the things I needed to pay and those I wanted to buy. How could I make sense of any of this? Financial advisers have never been much help because I have too few assets and I didn't feel I was ready to turn to one at this stage.

So, I sat down and made a list of all the things I owe or am about to owe, all the purchases I've been putting off, all the things I want, and I made a priority list that I feel covers the essentials and leaves enough for a dream or two, but which will give me a solid enough financial base for the second influx of money to be used solely (or almost) as a house down payment.

I'm grateful that my father who never had a cent in his life worked in circumstances that permitted him to leave His Girls with something on which to build a solid for their lives, but, frankly, I was doing okay treading water and I'd rather have my dad.

Not Counting Hours, But Almost!

This day in exactly one month, I'll be getting the keys to my new house! I can't wait!!!

It'll be strange to be a renter again after being a homeowner for the past three years, but I look forward to it! Next time I choose to be a homeowner, it'll be of a home that only needs minor work. I never, ever want to live in chaos for three years straight with no end in sight. It's like that Non-Sequitur cartoon I have hanging on my cubicle wall that offers a man two different hells--burning for eternity or living in his house while it's being remodeled.... and he thinks that it's pretty much a coin flip. Yep.

That said, I don't regret the past three years. I've learned so much! My father had a lot to do with what I learned and my happiest recent memories of him are of the work we did on the house before he fell ill.

I'm trying to get rid of a lot of furniture before I move because I now refuse to have anything in my home that I don't whole-heartedly love. I've tried Freecycle and received a lot of hits, but my first visit was a no-show at 6:30 this morning. Not impressed. When I move, I plan to buy brand new bookshelves so they're all the same (unless I get really lucky at the used furniture places in my new neighbourhood), but the rest, including a new-to-me bedroom set will wait. I was going to go the Ikea route, but that just makes me heart-sick. I couldn't figure out how I was supposed to know how many bookshelves I need until I had an epiphany--measure how many feet of shelf I currently have. I, erm, stopped at 60. I love books. :-)

One of the things I love about moving is that it forces you to evaluate what you own and uncovers new things (for example that I need to organize my ritual supplies a bit better when several days of packing and many pleas to Anubis (and St-Anthony, for good measure) have failed to turn up my favourite spellbook). I'm surprised that I don't have a lot of 'junk' left now. I had a packrat epiphany when I moved into this house that my stuff owned me and I did a massive purge, something that I turned into an annual event. Now, I walk the fine line between been an obsessive purger like my dad and having nothing 'sentimental' left, and being a packrat who never lets go of anything. I'm doing pretty well. My current house is a mess because I have no place to put anything, not because I have a lot of junk.

So my next house, with all its storage should, technically, be neater. I've moved several times in the past 9 years and each time made the same mistake of living out of boxes while I got used to my space and could determine where things should go. Since I wasn't in those places more than a year or two, I never got 'organized' and never had a neat place (except for my first, darling, apartment). I'm going to be in my new house at least 18 mos and I plan to get unpacked right away. I look forward to an Ikea shopping spree for organizational products like baskets. Ikea does have its place in my life, but I couldn't imagine a home full of Ikea furniture.

I get the keys April 1st and hope to move sometime around the 16th, since it's cheaper to move mid-month and on a weekday. I'm in no hurry to leave my current house, so I'll have time to clean my new place, measure, and bring over the awkward stuff I don't want movers to bring. My bro-in-law will be arriving from the Metropolis on the first with some things from my dad, plus a couch my mother has generously donated to replace my cat-destroyed loveseat (I'm not too worried about the new couch since the old one was destroyed by my beloved cat-son who died two days after Yule last year. But that's another story). So, even if I don't have all my 'stuff' at the new house right away, I'll be able to sleep there comfortably the first couple of weeks. I'll be motivated to do this because my current house is 1 hour away from work by car while my new house is 8 minutes away from work on foot. :-)

31 days and counting!

One door closes... and the whole of the universe beckons

My father died three weeks ago.

It was expected and I was blessed to have had the privilege of making my peace with any unresolved issues we had before he left. I was there in his final days, caring and nursing for him, assuring him that it was okay to move on to the next part of his life, to sail to a better and easier place.

He did not have a good life. It was one of limitations, abuse, toil, disillusionment, and bitterness. But the little joys he did have, he savoured. His accomplishment was His Girls, who learned from his lessons and built a richer, happier existence for themselves. When he knew that he would be sailing in short order, he was able to accept this because he would be leaving His Girls enough to build a solid foundation for their lives. He wanted us to truly live, to see and do things, to have a lot of stories to tell him when we met up with him again on our own journey to the next realm.

My father worried about me a lot, living as I did in the middle of nowhere with a long commute to work. He was pleased to learn in his final weeks that I'd finally made the decision to return to The City. During his final lucid hours, three days before he sailed, we spoke giddily about the new urban life I would be starting, the pretty house that would be a far cry from the mousehole I was currently miserable in, the extra time I would have now that I would not have a commute. He made me promise that I would make good use of what he was leaving me, buy a house, travel, have something to show for his life as reflected through my own values and dreams. We made plans for the future even when we knew that we would soon be separated, not knowing when our souls would be reunited.

The last five years have been very difficult for me, the last two easier, since I've embraced my faith. I'm currently in the process of making up for years of money mismanaging and have a plan for getting myself out of debt by 2012 (not including a mortgage) and a looser plan to retire by the time I'm 45. My father's death has brought forth options in 2007 that I thought would not be available until 2010 at the earliest. I plan to make full use of them.

My new life begins April 1st and I am giddily planning for it. Now that I will not be wasting so much time commuting and repairing plumbing (especially since I lost my 24 hour plumbing helpline), I want to go back to the urban lifestyle I had late last century, when I had time for homemaking endeavours and the world still seemed filled with possibilities instead of limitations.

My goals for the next year are simple: to start and keep a housecleaning routine, to cook more, to be more proactive in my faith, to continue paying off debt and build up my savings, to be more frugal, and to travel.

I've always journalled and I'm hoping this blog will serve as a chronicle of my journey.